Hannahhhhh. Thank you for this. I had an audible sigh of relief when reading. My boyfriend and I are nearing engagement and this has been a topic that's been swirling around in my head. Every time I'm with him I fall in love with him more, and am amazed by him more, and that started to worry me???? Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for it to get hard? But it hasn't. And in truth, we've been through "hard" and we broke up and I cried more than I ever knew I could over a boy (RIP) but we got back together and I can't even believe how lovely it is. Literally - I can't believe it. "I think it's important to trust that the happiness you have when you've found something good can stay" -- that's what made me unclench my jaw. THANKS <3
This was a really good read! I'm 4 years into marriage now, so I probably don't know anything either, but being able to take on the 'hard' of life together is one of the sweetest things about it. We've had good times and bad, but even in the bad, you have each other.
Sometimes I also think that part of why people always fall into the 'enjoy it while it lasts' / 'it goes so fast' type of advice, in addition to the points you mentioned, is with a regret/longing that they gave into the negative mindset of it, or the feeling that they themselves missed finding joy in those times. Maybe they want to, on some level, tell you that they regret that, then end up with the same Thing to Say about it, instead of sincerely communicating that marriage and parenthood and all of it can be hard, but hard and bad aren't the same thing.
Or maybe they really do think that it's only getting worse forever. I hope not - there's joy everywhere where there are eyes to see it.
When I started my government job my first year i was on "probation" - so honeymoon not so much, i guess after that is the actual time served? As for marriage, it doesn't get old, it gets different, and wouldn't you say that's the spice of life? Happy Anniversary!
Really enjoyed this Hannah! And as a side note, you're totally right about how unique Death Comes to Pemberley (the novel is also very good if you haven't read it!). I often think that we need more stories where the conflict is external to the married couple, who work together to resolve it (rather than their marriage being the central source of conflict).
Thanks so much, Beatrice! I agree – I always think about Gene Rodenberry's rules for Star Trek episodes where the conflict has to be external to the crew, as they come from a utopian society that has (apparently) transcended conflict. I'd love to see marriage in media reflect the actual nuance and diversity of marriage in real life, good and bad (and in-between)!
Hannahhhhh. Thank you for this. I had an audible sigh of relief when reading. My boyfriend and I are nearing engagement and this has been a topic that's been swirling around in my head. Every time I'm with him I fall in love with him more, and am amazed by him more, and that started to worry me???? Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for it to get hard? But it hasn't. And in truth, we've been through "hard" and we broke up and I cried more than I ever knew I could over a boy (RIP) but we got back together and I can't even believe how lovely it is. Literally - I can't believe it. "I think it's important to trust that the happiness you have when you've found something good can stay" -- that's what made me unclench my jaw. THANKS <3
This was a really good read! I'm 4 years into marriage now, so I probably don't know anything either, but being able to take on the 'hard' of life together is one of the sweetest things about it. We've had good times and bad, but even in the bad, you have each other.
Sometimes I also think that part of why people always fall into the 'enjoy it while it lasts' / 'it goes so fast' type of advice, in addition to the points you mentioned, is with a regret/longing that they gave into the negative mindset of it, or the feeling that they themselves missed finding joy in those times. Maybe they want to, on some level, tell you that they regret that, then end up with the same Thing to Say about it, instead of sincerely communicating that marriage and parenthood and all of it can be hard, but hard and bad aren't the same thing.
Or maybe they really do think that it's only getting worse forever. I hope not - there's joy everywhere where there are eyes to see it.
When I started my government job my first year i was on "probation" - so honeymoon not so much, i guess after that is the actual time served? As for marriage, it doesn't get old, it gets different, and wouldn't you say that's the spice of life? Happy Anniversary!
Really enjoyed this Hannah! And as a side note, you're totally right about how unique Death Comes to Pemberley (the novel is also very good if you haven't read it!). I often think that we need more stories where the conflict is external to the married couple, who work together to resolve it (rather than their marriage being the central source of conflict).
Thanks so much, Beatrice! I agree – I always think about Gene Rodenberry's rules for Star Trek episodes where the conflict has to be external to the crew, as they come from a utopian society that has (apparently) transcended conflict. I'd love to see marriage in media reflect the actual nuance and diversity of marriage in real life, good and bad (and in-between)!